With Tucker Wayne my water broke really early in labor. I wasn’t able to have the unmedicated birth that I wanted so for Shep’s birth that was my ultimate goal. I just wanted to feel like myself. The drugs I was given during Tucker’s labor made me feel hungover after. I even blacked out. I didn’t feel like myself. And my recovery was brutal. I had a grade 3 tear. And really struggled with postpartum blues.
Women who have delivered babies know that the last week or two of pregnancy is absolutely brutal. Your body is so ready to be done carrying that baby and you are in constant preparation for labor. The night before Shepherd was born I cried myself to sleep because I was hurting so bad. I told Jarrod that I felt so weak - that there was no way I was going to be strong enough to bring our baby into this world without drugs.
I startled awake at 2am thinking that I had just peed in the bed. I’m pretty sure in that moment I moved the fastest I did my entire pregnancy. I hopped out of the bed and yelled at Jarrod and told him that I just peed in the bed! He asked me if I was sure and if there was a chance that my water had broken. I looked down and sure enough… That’s exactly what it happened. My first thought was panic. I wasn’t experiencing contractions so what could this mean? (I had been having contractions all night every night for about a week before hand - but nothing in that moment) I texted my Doula, Becky, and she told me to get in the bath and try to relax. That’s exactly what I did and within two hours she was at our house and I was in the kitchen walking laps having major contractions. At 7 AM my mom was at the door to pick up Tucker Wayne. He hopped on the bed where I was sitting and laid his hands on my belly. He told me he loved me. And I told him today his baby brother would be coming into the world.
We walked a few laps around the neighborhood and Becky was really making me work. We had already called into my midwives office and heard that Jo was on call. I was so excited for her to be delivering my baby!
I kept asking Becky when we would know it was time to go to the hospital. She told me she would let me know and to stop worrying. I laid on my side in my bed with Becky pushing on my hips and Jarrod rubbing my back for what seemed like forever. He was with me the entire time. I sat on the toilet backwards because it was so intense and painful. But I felt like I was being super productive.
By 9:30 in the morning I was awakening dinosaurs from the dead. Tears were uncontrollably running down my face and Becky told me it was time to go. We got in the car and drove the 20 minutes to downtown Baylor. Jarrod held my hand and just kept praying over me. I was sobbing and breathing through the contractions. So overwhelmed by the intensity.
Getting to the check in desk was a blur. I remember standing at the desk and the lady at check-in asking me to fill out paperwork. I remember looking at her with tears running down my face right after a contraction and asking her if she was serious? A nurse behind her said, “I think we should get her in a room as soon as possible!”
Once I got into my room I got onto the birthing ball and they checked me and Shep. We were both in great shape and they said I could labor freely in the room. My nurses name was Tracy. I told her, “listen Tracy, I love Jesus, but the F word is my favorite curse word. You will probably hear it today.” She laughed.
I sat on the toilet for the majority of my labor because I had the constant urge to go to poop. Even though at this point not much was coming out of me. I got into the shower toward the end. I cannot even begin to explain the pain. There are no words for the absolute intensity and insanity that are contractions.
“Becky, when will I know when it’s time to push???” I kept asking her desperately. So ready for it to all be over. The contractions were so out of body and insane. I felt like I was tearing apart.
All of a sudden I felt like I was being punched in the gut. I screamed out, “UGHHH! somebody help me!!!” Becky laughed - “Lindsey, it’s time to push, we’ve prepped for labor!”
Jarrod walked me over to the bed. Pushing was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. I pushed for a total of 30 minutes. And the ring of fire... IT IS REAL. And
Tracy heard all the F words.
But then. Relief. And awe. And joy. His head came out and so much relief.
Then his shoulders. So much relief.
Then his body. So much relief.
Then love. And tears. And the most incredible moment of feeling your baby being placed on your chest and hearing his precious cries. And realizing that you did it. Unmedicated. Without drugs. By the power of the Holy Spirit. Total and utter glory from God.
Shepherd, World. World, Shepherd.